Respect The Dying Person's Wishes

Not all hospital visits save lives...

As we get older, however, many of us develop conditions that are life-limiting, chronic, or terminal (Life itself is a terminal condition). And this is when palliative care comes more into the foreground, focusing on a patient's quality of life, symptoms, and emotional wellbeing, as well as the welfare of their loved ones. It doesn't focus on curing but it isn't "giving up," and it doesn't necessarily mean that death is imminent; many people receive palliative care for years.

As soon as something happens, countries with medical coverage would rush the patient to the hospital the first port of call for many is the hospital, when something bad lands us in the emergency room. From here you might be shuffled into a general ward or, if it's really bad, the intensive care unit. Here, doctors will talk to you about your options. In the general ward, you'll typically be nursed back to a stable state and then sent home.

If your outlook is grim, however, you may be moved to one of another set of institutions: either a palliative care unit (also called hospice in certain countries) or a residential aged care facility (once called a nursing home). The care you receive in each of these institutions can vary greatly, depending on your level of health coverage, how much money you can part with, your condition, and your location Bad care can leave scars. Good care can make all the difference in the vorld.

This may be where your journey ends, but if not, you'll likely be sent home.

Home offers a familiar respite amidst the storm, but may be reshaped by your embattled condition. You may need a walker or other mobility device. You could need help of a more human kind; this can be a part-time carer, a social worker, an occupational therapist, or a full-time carer to help with life's most basic tasks: showering, walking, cooking, and going to the toilet. Loved ones may help shoulder the load, but the responsibility is immense and, many feel guilty that they haven't done enough. Often, too, in the case of emergency or distress, the only recourse is to call for an ambulance and go back through the process all over again—though a good death at home is possible with the right support team in place.

An advanced care directive (ACD) can help determine your fate. This is a document that lays out your wishes so your medical team can decide what to do if you're incapacitated or incapable of making a decision yourself (for example, if you were in a coma or in the later stages of dementia). It can include instructions to avoid certain procedures, your preference for where you'd like to go under certain scenarios, and even appoint a substitute decision maker (typically a loved one) to make decisions about which treatments you'd be happy to accept. It's a good idea to have an ACD on your medical record at any point of your life.

Ultimately though, every fate is the same. At some point, you die.

The doctor must be called to rule out any suspicious circumstances, confirm that death has occurred, then grant permission for an undertaker from the funeral home to move your body in preparations for your final farewell. Probates happens and your death certificate is lodged with the government, your will is actioned via a lawyer or attorney, and your estate is divvied up according to your wishes. Done and dusted, assuming there are no issues with bank accounts, partnerships, passwords, taxes, etc.

Being passed through so many hands, it's little wonder so many people find the end of a loved one's life so stressful. Not only are you losing someone you care about—you, too, get lost in all the bureaucracy.

It all gets in the way of what truly matters.

Tags: death