Why Do We Hate

Why do we hate? The reasons are complex, and involves many variables.

Fear of "The Other"

We hate because we fear things that are different from us; it is a primitive instinctual defense mechanism, if you hate obsessively, you fear you are inadequate in survival means.

Hatred is driven by two key emotions of love and aggression: 1. love for the in-group--the group that is favored; and 2. aggression for the out-group the group that has been deemed as being different, dangerous, and a threat to the in-group.

Fear of Ourselves

The things people hate about others are the things that they fear within themselves. Mirroring. The targeted group or person is seen as a movie screen onto which we project unwanted parts of the self The idea is, "I'm not terrible; you are."

This phenomenon is known as projection the tendency to reject what we don't like about ourselves. Projection is directly linked to our need to be good, which causes us to project "badness" outward and attack it. We developed this method to survive, for any 'badness' in us put us at risk for being rejected and alone. So we repressed the things that we thought were bad (what others told us or suggested to us that was unlovable and morally reprehensible) and we employ hate and judgment towards others. We think that is how one rids oneself of undesirable traits, but this method only perpetuates repression which leads to many mental health issues.

Wounded Forever

We fragment for many reasons, to avoid danger, to run from shame, life is better in outer space; so, what ever miniscule part of us is left, that has not been kicked out yet is in charge. This could be your 7 months old, 9 weeks old, 6 year old, or 14 year old to take care of adult stuff. This temporarily allows us to escape, but only momentarily and is short lived. Then your 6 year old is hanging on to all the hurt, all the wounds that no one was there to take care of... no one cared.

These may be physical wounds later turned emotional wounds or wounds you reincarnated with; your brought it wounds. You will hang on to these wounds as attention grabbing tactics or entitlement gifts. But over time, no one noticed and you are seriously hurting bad; as a 6 year old capable of finding a solution, you would impose this pain and suffering onto others to sample. Thus the Hate Group is formed. Your wound join hate sectors, hate communities, hate countries and hate species and any dark underground justice not groups, wearing hooded bedsheets to justify your hurt by destroying others.

Lack of Self-compassion

The antidote to hate is compassion for others as well as ourselves. Self-compassion means that we accept the whole self If we find part of ourselves unacceptable, we tend to attack others in order to defend against the threat. If we are okay with ourselves, we see others' behaviors as 'about them' and can respond with compassion. If I kept hate in my heart for [another], I would have to hate myself as well. It is only when we learn to hold ourselves with compassion that we may be able to demonstrate it toward others.

Hate fills a Void

Anger: Strategies That Work, believes that when hate involves participation in a group, it may help foster a sense of connection and camaraderie that fills a void in one's identity. Hatred of individuals or groups as a way of distracting oneself from the more challenging and anxiety-provoking task of creating one's own identity. Acts of hate are attempts to distract oneself from feelings such as helplessness, powerlessness, injustice, inadequacy and shame. Hate is grounded in some sense of perceived threat. It is an attitude that can give rise to hostility and aggression toward individuals or groups. Like much of anger, it is a reaction to and distraction from some foini of inner pain. The individual consumed by hate may believe that the only way to regain some sense of power over his or her pain is to pre-emptively strike out at others. In this context, each moment of hate is a temporary reprieve from inner suffering.

Societal and Cultural Factors

The answer to why we hate, lies not only in our psychological makeup or family history, but also in our cultural and political history. Operating out of 1D & 2D, Column 1 and Column 2 live in a war culture that promotes violence, in which competition is a way of life. We fear connecting because it requires us to reveal something about ourselves. We are taught to hate the enemy meaning anyone different than us — which leaves little room for vulnerability and an exploration of hate through empathic discourse and understanding. In our current society, one is more ready to fight than to resolve conflict. Peace is seldom the option. Only when we are at the receiving end of hate and anger aggression would we consider a resolution.

What Can We Do?

Hatred has to be learned; we are all born with the capacity for aggression as well as compassion. Which tendencies we embrace requires mindful choice by individuals, families, communities and our culture in general. The key to overcoming hate is understanding that two negatives do not make a positive. Unfortunately, some individuals only learn through being the butt end of the stick.

Facing the fear of being vulnerable and utterly human is what allows us to connect, to feel, and ultimately, to love. Souls schedule cracks in his/her evolution so s/he can be thrown in hate water... so one may choose to rise above... as simple as connecting to your neighbor, talking with a friend, starting a protest, or even going to therapy and connecting with an 'Other.' It is through these acts that one can understand hate and love.

In other words, compassion towards others is the true context that heals.

Tags: hate, emotional and mental health, health and wellbeing, spiritual growth